Monstrous Thirst
by Eowyn77
Summary: A series of drabbles about how the Cullen's confront their unique diet.
1. Carlisle

**Author's Note:** For those who might not be familiar with the story, the "ram in the thicket" refers to Genesis 22:13, in which Abraham offered a divinely-provided ram as sacrifice instead of his son Isaac.

* * *

Dante said hell is cold. He is only half-right. Fire scorches my throat even as I huddle, frozen, against the thirst. I've tried to end the monster – by height, depth, poison, starvation.

Footfalls.

I strangle my own breath against the Scent. Dear God, no! If not on me, have mercy upon Thy children!

Heartbeats draw nearer, filling my ears. I smell the Scent in my memory, and the fire flares anew. My trembling arms fight against the monster.

And fail.

Later.

I kneel beside the savaged buck and thank God for His merciful gift – my ram in the thicket.


	2. Edward

This isn't food. I've scented what I want — a fiend's feast. My throat burns for it, empty belly gnawing at my mind. But I don't have to be a monster. I can exist on animals' blood and find strength to resist. I see in Carlisle's mind that it can be done — like living off bootlaces for eternity. "If I choose otherwise?"

_A stone dungeon. Men, women, children screaming and dying amid black-cloaked vampires._ Carlisle's sad smile holds no condemnation. "Then it is your choice." _And my fault._

I am not so long dead that sympathy has died, too. "Let's hunt."


	3. Esme

A vampire, he says, and now I am, too. Does that make me his bride? For shame! I ought to blush at the hope.

Is this a delirium, where all things sweet are bitter? I have known the bitter, but not now, not with him sitting beside me again. Just being near him is enough. If sweet is bitter... could bitter then turn sweet?

I have choices, he says — to choose joy, to not be a monster. But we are vampires.

Whatever he be, he is Carlisle — the one I love. "Teach me how to not be a monster."


	4. Rosalie

Revolting! What twisted reasoning makes these people — these demons — think savaging animals is any better? It's still blood! Just because it's an animal doesn't mean it isn't disgusting. It doesn't make them any less monstrous.

It won't make _me_ less of a monster.

Grief swells, choking my breath. Why did this happen to me? Why didn't Carlisle just let me die? I've lost so much! Honor. Father. Mother. Brothers. Love. Warmth. Sunlight. Cake. Even tears. 

The snarling cougar goes limp in Carlisle's hand, and my lips curl back in disgust when he bites the thing, letting the hot blood flow.


	5. Emmett

My angel strikes, bringing down the wolf, and I flex my hands eagerly. I can't wait to hunt down a bear.

I had too much fun to go to heaven — the preacher himself told me so — but it never bothered me much. Looking at the folks I figured went to heaven, I wasn't inclined to go there. Hell didn't exactly sound fun either, so when I did get to thinking about the hereafter — which wasn't often — I hoped for something kind of in-between.

A demon's life with an angel beside me. I guess the Good Lord heard me after all.


	6. Alice

I wrinkle my nose. Bears don't smell appetizing. Nothing at all like what I'm used to. But this is what _they_ hunt, and I want to be one of them even more than I want the sweet blood. So badly it hurts, I want a family. And _he_ will be there. He still drinks the sweet blood, but every now and then, I see flickers of him with different eyes — always with the others.

I tense to pounce, and the longed-for vision opens. Me, Jasper, Esme, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle. Together. This is the choice that will bring us together.


	7. Jasper

The last swallow leaves me warm but strangely empty — neither satisfied nor guilty. How long has she done this? I search Alice's golden goddess-eyes, distant with rapturous vision. "Almost every path, now." She focuses on me again, her delighted smile sun-bright. "If you stay with me your eyes _will_ eventually change."

"And Carlisle's family?"

She nods. "Yes. We'll find them."

Her feelings when she speaks of them are... indescribable. Heaven. Heaven on earth. And she sees us gaining admittance.

I only hope it's not a mirage.

Alice throws her arms around my waist, radiating joy, and I feel... surprisingly content.


	8. Bella

**Author's note:** Bella's comment will make a lot more sense if you've read chapter 6 of my story "Overnighter." (Did I mention I can't write AU?) :)

* * *

I can feel Edward's wary eyes on me as the bear lumbers into view, teeth bared and roaring. Emmett steps forward, intercepting the raging grizzly. My brother's face, disfigured by what looks like anger, sends an icy shiver down my spine, but his bellow is triumphant. His teeth glint, winking in the moonlight, before he buries his face in the behemoth's neck. Gore splashes Emmett's shirt. 

I look up into Edward's too-calm face. "It's always like this?" Will I look like that, blood-spattered and ferocious?

He nods slowly.

My gaze is steadier than my hands. "Nice home movie."


End file.
